I received a gift about six months ago ... a gift that nobody plans on giving ... a gift that nobody plans on receiving ... but one that forever changes you ...I received the gift of peace with death ...
A spiritual concreteness flushed through me in a way that nothing ever had before ... at this point in my life I am more spiritual than religious, however I stand by the religion I have been part of all my life, because I believe in their philosophies on people ... on issues ... on everything non-biblical ... and then as much faith as I can put in the bible I believe in their philosophies on it too ... I believe in walking by faith not by sight ... but at the same time there are holes in the bible that I can't wrap my mind around ... but that being said ... I spiritually grew that night in a way that I probably never would have without it ...
It was a fateful evening ... my previous employer had taken me off the schedule ... I had unplanned time off ... then my dad called ... then my cousin called ... both of them with
the same news ... my grandmother had fallen early Saturday morning and it was Sunday afternoon and they didn't think she'd make it through the night ... I went home, picked up my mom (even though this was my father's mom, my mother remained very close to her) ... we went to my grandmother's apartment in the assisted living home ... my aunt and both my cousins were there ... shortly after we got there ... my girl cousin left ... it was my aunt, my mom, my boy cousin and me ...
A death rattle no matter how many times you hear it is something you never get used to ... and if you do ... I think that's sad ... we took turns holding her hand ... stroking her hair ... then it happened ...
My mom and cousin were in the other room ... my aunt was on the right side of my grandmother ... I was on the left ... the death rattle stopped ... her eyes that had been glazed over suddenly were clear as day ... she looked at my aunt ... my aunt said, "it's okay, you can go, it's okay" ... the eyes glazed over ... the death rattle came back but the rate was so slow ... within minutes she was gone ... she had a moment of clarity ... my aunt gave her what she needed and she left us ...
No matter what you believe in there are moments that give us a sense of something bigger than us ... and this was the most monumental event in my life that showed me there was something bigger ...
That was the moment of clarity that forever changed my perception of the world ... that spiritually changed me forever ...
