I'm unbelievably, horribly, awfully and completely fucking scared ... probably the most scared I've been in maybe my whole life ...
I came home today after being mostly gone from my house (aka my hole in my mom's basement) for basically three weeks with a few exceptions to feed cats and check on some things ... I've been at the lemon man's house ... I went over and put some stuff down on my bed and looked up at the mirror ...
I could see it clearly ... but I couldn't read it ... I could read "was here" .. but that's it ... but from the far side of the bed ... reflected in the mirror ... something was clearly carved in the side of my bed ... I knew it hadn't been there before ... so I walked around to read it ... and there clear as day was "(insert ex's name here) was here 99-08" ... my instinct was to rub it ... something I regret now as fingerprints will probably be taken ...
I called the lemon man ... I begged him to tell me it was some kind of practical joke he played on me ... he assured me it wasn't ... I went and told my mom ... I questioned my
kids as to whether or not they had written on my bed and whether or not they knew if their father had ever been in my house ... they denied it and I regretted it as I sent my younger daughter into a full blown anxiety attack ...
My mom and I both know for a fact it wasn't there in February ... I'm 95% certain it wasn't there on April 1st ... which means that my ex was in my house sometime in the last two-three weeks ...
It makes no sense ... he's getting married in eight days .. he is supposed to be happy ... why would he do that? ... now I'm anxiously awaiting an email from a judge I know ... one that has a very large interest in my kids' well-being ... to find out if the risk of the police seeing my kids' living arrangements (upstairs hoarding mom ... with three cats ... downstairs ... unfinished basement with four cats) is worth taking the legal process to go after my ex for unlawful entry & vandalism and probably a restraining order ... and temporary full custody of the kids ...
The other thing that has me second guessing is that he is getting married in 8 days ... the kids and him are supposed to leave in four to go out of state for a destination wedding ... do I forever want to be the baby mama that fucked up their wedding? ... but it wasn't me ... it was HIM ... he was the one that entered my house and carved his fucking name into the side of my bed ...
The placement (his side of the bed) ... the dates (which the lemon man nor my children could recall off the tops of their heads) ... the handwriting ... I have no doubts about who did it ... and I'm mad ... and I'm scared ... and I'm shaking ... and now that I wrote this ... I hope to God I can get some homework done ...
Wish me luck in whatever route I choose ... because this ... his action ... could very well be the beginning of the end of many things in both his and my life ... and the scariest part is if he got in while we weren't home ... he can get in while we are ...
