I just needed some space, some time ... to cry ... to think ... to figure it out ... so as I sat on the shower floor and the water poured over me ... I found myself sobbing ... maybe it was all about this ... maybe it wasn't ... maybe it was a long time coming ... as I opened my eyes and saw the glistening drops of water falling around me ... I realized that something has to change ... I don't know if it's me ... or if it's this ... or if it's the overall miserable situation that we are in ... but something needs to change ... I miss being deliriously happy ... and I want that delirium back ... I want to be able to feel the sunshine and really feel it ... to taste the spring air ... the freshness ... I want to be able to feel whole again ... and while this is as home as I ever feel ... it still doesn't feel like home ... eventually I left the shower floor ... washed my hair ... and fell back in bed ... not in state of peace or solace ... more like surrender ... surrender to the curse that I feel surrounding me lately ... the one I need to embrace ... but want to fight so badly ...
