But in all that stress I reached a decision ... well more like a plan ... I took everything that different friends and experts in my life had to say ... which varied greatly ... although most of the experts kept in line with each other ... so after feeling completely violated ... I decided what to do about it ...
I "confronted" my ex in an email last night ... simply asked him to explain when and why he did what he did ... he told me that he did it four years ago ... and seemed to think it
was fairly funny that I was even asking ... then I told him that I had pictures of the bed without his little mark on it ... and I don't have a response ... an expert told me I have to be able to take the denial ... to not argue as I'm so prone to do ... so whatever his response is to the second email ... I won't respond ...
I am going to contact the police after my kids are gone tomorrow ... the experts assure me that my living conditions aren't as bad as I think they are ... and that in the economic times we live in I shouldn't be worried about that ... one of my biggest inner struggles has been whether or not to try to fight letting my kids leave the state with him on Thursday ... it came down to one simple thing for me that made the decision for me ... the kids want to go ... my daughters especially would probably never understand why I didn't let them go to their dad's wedding ... even though neither one of them has a very good relationship with him right now ... so if I'm not going to try to stop them from going ... then I can't fan the flames before they leave ... I will ask the police to not contact him until they are back from the wedding ... which means it will be May 7 before they can contact him ... but then my kids will also be back under my roof, and will be there for almost two weeks after ... another reason for this is that I don't want the police to question him in front of my kids ...
I also am going to talk to a family law attorney ... I want my ex to be a huge part of my kids' lives ... I never wanted full custody in the sense that I didn't want them to grow up without a good relationship with their dad ... unfortunately there have been other issues besides this recent unlawful entry and vandalism ... there have been homework issues and discipline issues ... and all three of my kids have told me they don't want to go back there, that they want to live with me ... so while the basis of what I am going to talk to the attorney about is this incident ... there are other pieces of the puzzle ...
I have tried desperately to help him understand how the kids are feeling ... but every attempt is met with defensiveness and after printing off emails tonight ... so that I have "hard copies" ... I confirmed something I already knew ... it's crystal clear (now my mind might be jaded) in these emails that I am fighting for the kids and he is fighting for himself ... and that makes me sad ...
But that's my decision ... I confronted him myself ... the police will be brought into it ... but as far as he and the kids and his fiance are concerned ... they won't know all that until after they're back from the wedding ... I wish there was an easy answer ... but I can't just pretend it didn't happen ... and I can't just let it go without giving him some accountability ...
