Unrealistic Expectations ... Are Movies Ruining Relationships? ...

 Originally posted on my "old" blog ... October 4, 2010 ... 

There was a study I heard about on the radio several years ago that touched on this ... and now here is another one that came out a few months ago ... with this news report of a study headed by Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey .. has brought it to headlines again ... and then anyone that has been familiar with MySpace/Facebook or the bumper sticker bulletin boards has probably at some point seen a sticker or icon that resembled the one to the right ...this is actually something I have given a lot of thought to lately, although not in the terms that the studies imply, I have a little different take ... but it's related in many ways ...

So the studies say that our romantic comedies and chick flicks create unrealistic expectations for romantic grandeur and communication and even sex ... that we then have this idea of how a relationship should be based on the romance involved in movies such as Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, You've Got Mail, The Wedding Planner & While You Were Sleeping ... just to name a few that are listed in the news reports and studies ... and I will preface all of what I'm about to say that those listed above and the rest of the movies that I will list are among some of my favorite movies and I appreciate a chick flick and romantic comedy as much as anyone else ... but now here is my take ...

These amazingly romantic movies ... the ones we watch and cry and sigh and wish that our lives, our relationships could just be that terribly romantic ... almost all of them ... involve cheating on some level and the hero or heroine breaking somebody's heart ... so is that the message that these films send that hurts relationships ... the grass is greener idea ... the idea that someone can come along while you're in a relationship and sweep you off your feet and that will be your happily ever after
.... so let's think about this for a minute ... let me start listing off some movies that involve a girl/woman leaving the boy/man currently in her life or flat out cheating on him or vice versa in order to pursue this incredibly romantic relationship we're all cheering for ... we'll start with one of the most watched chick flicks of all time ... it's all in the title;  An Affair to Remember  ... okay ... now let's move on ...  You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, Runaway Bride, The Wedding Planner, Six Days Seven Nights, It Could Happen to You, A Lot Like Love, Dear John, Letters to Juliet, Bridget Jones' Diary, The Notebook, My Best Friend's Wedding, Titanic, Never Been Kissed, Leap Year  ... the list goes on ... but almost all those movies involve cheating on some level ... and those that don't involve a "grass is always greener" standpoint from the girl's point of view ... involve a guy leaving the girl he's with because he realizes that he loves the heroine more ... so really, are these movies sending a bad message? ... are they sending a message that the men in our lives can't live up to ... that we in our relationships can't live up to ... are we, as women, looking for drama ... the great obstacle to overcome? ... or is it about the fact that in a "new" relationship there are sparks and amazing attraction ... I mean ... we all know what it's like to get the chills when someone touches us ... but that doesn't last forever ... so is that what it's about ... the sparks? ...

I also agree about the romantic grandeur ... I mean what guy in normal life can make a life changing romantic speech in the middle of a press conference like in  in Notting Hill ... and how often does a guy have a chance to declare his love to a girl on a balcony in pure Romeo style like in Letters to Juliet ... or even set up a serenade like in movies like Top Gun  and  10 Things I Hate About You ... I mean realistically ... are these things that should even go into our storage banks to think are a possibility in real life relationships? ...

I think the study makes valid points ... and I think that as women, and even men, we need to take the "messages" these movies send with a grain of salt ... yes we all want romance, we all want our happily ever after ... but I think we need to realize that expectations need to be realistic ... and there is an inherent difference between men and women and how they view relationships and romance ...

Edit: ... I found this link The Five Ways Romantic Movies Ruin Your Love Life after I published this ... but just more food for thought ...